Testimonials

[AcE]

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last
one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm
just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the
door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clean clo thes with me.' Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. So, I asked one more time, 'Danny, did you have an
accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over,
spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel
better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't
get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob,
where 's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE
have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so
hard!

[viziouz]

ROFL, I liked the last one.

[RoadWarrior]

LAWL! You gotta love jokes in the e-mail inbox.... :) :P

[AcE]

LAWL! You gotta love jokes in the e-mail inbox.... :) :P

DOH!

[siskin]

LOL.. I loved the fourth one :lol: