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AcE

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he Observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your Child's name, Brandy.

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got Up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy Has no idea what he's talking About. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get Dinner.'

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The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I think this guy nailed it!

 

Dear Mr. President,

 

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead

 

of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money

 

on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can

 

call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

 

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them

 

$1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following

 

stipulations:

 

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

 

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto

 

Industry fixed.

 

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing

 

Crisis fixed.

 

It can't get any easier than that!

 

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their constituents pay their taxes....

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  • 1 month later...

Husband wanted

 

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

 

 

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &

MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

 

 

 

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to

see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

 

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at

you ... you have no legs!

 

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

 

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

 

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

 

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

 

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

 

'Rang the doorbell didn't I?' :HistericalSmiley:

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  • 2 months later...

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