The comedy thread.

[AcE]

THE FUTURE OF NURSERY RHYMES

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims

Direct.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh s ** t, it's Global Warming.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

But she didn't wear that one often.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you dickhead.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's a#se

and turned its wool to nylon.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill, forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.

> ----------------------------------------------------------

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth.

And now it's black and crispy.

[SCOOTER_DOD]

THE FUTURE OF NURSERY RHYMES

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims

Direct.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh s ** t, it's Global Warming.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

But she didn't wear that one often.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you dickhead.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's a#se

and turned its wool to nylon.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill, forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.

> ----------------------------------------------------------

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

 

> ----------------------------------------------------------

 

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth.

And now it's black and crispy.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high

school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely

in our jobs.

>

> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be

said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the

solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

>

> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had

an accident.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

>

> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

>

> P: Something loose in cockpit

> S: Something tightened in cockpit

>

> P: Dead bugs on windshield.

> S: Live bugs on back-order.

>

> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

>

> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

> S: Evidence removed.

>

> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

> S: DME volume set to more believable level.

>

> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

> S: That's what friction locks are for.

>

> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

>

> P: Suspected crack in windshield.

> S: Suspect you're right.

>

> P: Number 3 engine missing.

> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

>

> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

> S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

>

> P: Target radar hums.

> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

>

> P: Mouse in cockpit.

> S: Cat installed.

>

> And the best one for last..................

>

> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

> S: Took hammer away from midget.

[AcE]

> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

:biglol:

[TWL - ferOcitY`]

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

that one made my cry

[AcE]

Don't watch if you don't like that 4 letter word beginning with C or you grandparents are in the room lol.

[foxdie]

lmao

[BBUKC-X]

nice one :D

[AcE]

:biglol:

[=BLACKWOLF=]

:blink: :lol:

[Havoxx]

Heh, found this on a forum I frequent http://s268.photobucket.com/albums/jj2/Aba...nt=3f749512.flv

[RoadWarrior]

And I thought I was twisted....lol.... that last one's just warped mate!

[AcE]

That's wrong lol.

[=BLACKWOLF=]

BF2 players:

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5KPrFi1B11U&feature=related

 

:D

[intelwolves]

Lol yeah thats all wrong

[=BLACKWOLF=]

10 rules of online gaming:

 

People have been hunched over their PCs, firing rockets into the faces of their friends since Doom. The ability to play a game against real human opponents via a network changed the face of the industry and helped shape the scene we are now a part of. Over the years, we have seen the world's largest network, the Internet, expand to phenomenal heights and with it, gaming too has grown in ways that were once never thought possible.

 

Gaming over the Internet is now a major part of the hobby we all hold dear, and as titles like Halo rose to bring more and more mainstream attention to multinational fragests, we have seen online gaming become one of the most integral facets of the industry. With mainstream attention, it has also brought with an influx of new, fresh-faced gamers who have logged on with wanton abandon, unwitting of the rules that we have held dear as digital war veterans for millenias untold. At least outside of the PC universe, online gaming is full of people who perhaps do not understand the ettiquete and courtesy that comes with the territory.

 

For these people, Destructoid has the answer. If your copy of Halo just hit your mailbox, or even more urgently, if you started playing online years ago and have never even been through basic training, this is the guide for you. Hit the jump to finally learn how to be an online gamer with these crucial rules. A doorway into a world of elite playing pleasure is yours for the opening.

 

1: Online gaming is serious business:

 

So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way -- by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don't know simulate death.

 

This is your life now, and you are connected, physically and emotionally, to your in-game avatar. When they frag you, do you not bleed? Well, no you don't but that's not the point. You will mourn him for every second of that respawn countdown. His digital death just killed a little piece of you, and you will avenge with the fury of a thousand angry Gods.

 

In team games, if you are losing, remember to berate your teammates and tell them how much they suck. You won't be making a fool out of yourself for ordering them around and reminding them that your side is losing and nobody's helping you win. Also, you must use words like "alpha," all the time, just like you're a real army man!

 

2: Noobs are scum:

 

People who are new to a particular game are terrible vermin who you should not fraternise with. These subhumans are known as noobs and they are the pariahs of online gaming. You, however, were never a noob. You were playing games online before the Internet was even invented. In fact, you're so awesome that you were playing Dizzy the Egg team deatchmatches on your Commodore 64.

 

Make sure to check out the stats of anybody in a game with you. If they have not been playing for long, then you must hurl insults at them because they are lesser human beings. Laugh cruelly if noobs are your opponents, and grimace loudly if they are on your team.

 

Also, the term noob has such power that if you dislike someone's actions in a game, you can say it to them as well. Obviously, displeasing you is deadly enough to make them forget all their prior gaming experience and they actually revert back into children.

 

3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

 

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob. You are a hardcore gamer now, which means you only use shotguns or anything else that's really boring. You hate all that is popular, and if you see anybody utilising the best/more useful features of a game, you are to get rid of them immediately.

 

If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn't need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They'd be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

 

4: If anything kills you at all, it is cheap:

 

Like the above rule, but applied to every potential threat in a game. If someone shoots you to death using nothing but a pistol and with his eyes closed, he is being cheap. Cheap is one of the most brutal insults after noob, and anybody who hears it will feel worse about the fact they are winning ten to zero. It's a hollow victory, because they are so cheap.

 

5: If you are losing, it is because of lag:

 

Following on from the cheapness laws, you will soon get to learn that nothing is ever your fault when it comes to gaming. Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap. The Internet does this a lot, but never affects the enemies you kill yourself, because you have skills.

 

Nearly every death you ever suffer in a game will be due to lag of some kind. The Internet hates you that much, even though you are so good.

 

6: If you are losing badly, it is because they are hacking:

 

Losing a little is one thing, that's just lag conspiring to keep your ownage levels down, but lag can only help the noobs cheaply beat you so much. If you are losing to such a point where not even your lag-pwning skill seems to be making a difference, well there's only one solution, and it's not that they are better than you -- it's that they are hacking.

 

People who appear to be doing a lot of killing and not much of being killed are hackers, plain and simple. There is no way they're that good without cheating. Re-assure your team (after calling them worthless) that the enemy is clearly powered by nefarious undertakings and you are being penalized for your wholesome and pure ways. Then remember to say alpha.

 

7: Everyone is gay:

 

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

 

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

 

8: Singing is awesome:

 

Communicating via a headset is great because it lets gamers sing, and that is one of the only reasons we buy headsets. In fact, some people are known to log into servers just to hear poor quality, nasal renditions of the latest "phat tracks." One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

 

Try to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as you can into your headset before, during and after a game, only stopping when you need to step away from the mic to breathe. Everybody will be impressed and will want to play with you again. In fact, you're so great at singing that the only reason you're not on Broadway right now is that showbusiness is full of lag.

 

If you lack the raw sexual magnetisim and confidence that is required to sing during a game, you can always hold the microphone up to some speakers and play your favorite tunes for everybody. Your fellow gamers really care what your musical interests are and will applaud your tasteful selection of tracks.

 

9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:

 

Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it's actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in "n - ggers" was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here's a pro tip -- nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

 

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

 

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:

 

Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer. Only you may have the glory of the kill, and woe betide anybody caught shooting at the same target as you. If they get the win, they clearly stole your kill.

 

Even if you and a team member are on opposite sides of the game map, they kill stole. Obviously they did. Probably thanks to a hack.

 

Just remember, of course, that you are not a kill stealer. You are merely an opportunist. Besides which, since all the enemies are your personal fodder anyway, you're taking nothing away from the meat puppets who are only there to be noobs and bring down your score by sucking.

 

These are the ten golden rules of online gaming. There are of course plenty of other important laws, but this should be everything you need to get started off on the right footing. First impressions are crucial, and with these ten rules in mind, you will always impress.

 

Good luck pwning, my fellow online warriors. May noobs fall at your feet and your sword cut through the mists of lag forevermore.

[siskin]

Resignation letter.

 

Mr Baker,

 

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

 

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

 

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

 

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

 

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

 

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

 

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

 

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f-- k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

 

Sincerely,

Ted Brewer

 

 

@(*0*)@

[ROC TaurusBully]

 

 

:P

[Rotten]

http://kojakdaily.blogspot.com/2008/01/video.html

[{DvT}OZ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yRJiP4f_EU&NR=1

 

 

:P

Now that was funny

[Rotten]

http://kojakdaily.blogspot.com/2008/01/video.html

 

And heres another "striptease" for you.

http://kojakdaily.blogspot.com/2008/02/striptease.html#links

[siskin]

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

 

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

 

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q What's the height of conceit?

 

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q. What's the definition of macho?

 

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

 

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

 

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

 

A. Because it's worth it!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. What is a Yankee?

 

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

 

A. They both like a tight seal.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

 

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

 

A. About three inches.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

 

A. The grip.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

 

A. It's not hard.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

 

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

 

A: 45 pounds.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

 

A: 45 minutes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

 

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

 

A. The swallow.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

 

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A .. They don't have balls to scratch!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE:

 

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

 

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

 

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier.'

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[RoadWarrior]

Old Harold

 

 

 

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

 

 

He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?"

 

 

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

 

 

"No," I replied.

 

 

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

 

 

So I wrote down . I D 1 0 T

 

 

I used to like Harold.

[RoadWarrior]

What Starts with F and ends with K

 

 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

 

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

 

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

 

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

 

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

 

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

 

Harry: "9."

 

 

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

 

Harry: "36."

 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

 

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

 

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

 

The principal and Harry both agreed.

 

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

 

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

 

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

 

Harry replied: "Pockets."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

 

Harry: "Pants."

 

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

 

Harry: "Coconut."

 

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

 

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

 

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

 

Harry: "Shake hands."

 

The principal was trembling.

 

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

 

Harry: "Firetruck."

 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[Duality]

Genius! :lol:

[Ice Man]